


Garbage Boy

by Moonspite



Series: Rotten Men, Grotesque Romance [11]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Nonsense, Pizza, dumpsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9190763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonspite/pseuds/Moonspite
Summary: Kimbley finds a pizza sitting in a dumpster and makes a terrible mistake.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for a sick friend! Also, the fic is partially based off of this image: http://68.media.tumblr.com/cf3999c8207d5d8b898710cb80953b50/tumblr_o9aq5miwtW1qcecwvo1_1280.jpg

Kimbley strides along the sidewalk, hands stuffed in his pockets. His skin started to prickle as he’s hit by a gust of winter air. He’d never get used to the cold. How long had it been since he’d moved to England from Florida?

 

He pulls his coat closer to him and sniffles, stepping into a nearby alley to avoid the wind. It isn’t much better, but there isn’t much he can do. Glancing around, he notices a dumpster a few feet away from him.

 

Naturally curious, Kimbley approaches it -- remembering he’d found a lot of good treasures in them before. He’d never searched one in England, but in Florida, he could find just about anything in there. The sky was the limit as far as that was concerned.

 

The door lets out a low groan as Kimbley opens it, finding it bare except for a rather large -- and rather fresh -- looking pizza down on the bottom. Kimbley considers it for a moment -- he’s had his share of awful food before; he’d swear up and down that his mother’s cooking was worse than anything he could ever find at the bottom of a dumpster. 

 

Either way, Kimbley shrugs and bends over as he tries to reach for his prize, but then clumsily falls in -- the door making a loud, metallic slamming sound behind him. He’s stunned for a moment, the fall having knocked the wind out of him. It takes a moment, but he’s able to climb onto his hands and knees -- and unfortunately finds that he’s landed right on top of his pizza, covering his clothes in grease.

 

Kimbley’s hardly put off, though. Brushing himself off, he helps himself to the now very flat, very smashed dumpster pizza.

 

After eating the whole thing, Kimbley crouches down and tries to push open the dumpster doors -- finding them stuck. And now he’s trapped.

 

“Fuck!!” He cries out in frustration. “Aw shit, is anyone out there?! Hey, I’m stuck in this fuckin’ thing! Anyone wanna lemme outta here…?”

 

He tries banging on the walls of the dumpster with his fists, hoping someone will hear the racket he was making, but after about ten minutes of banging and shouting, no one comes and Kimbley gives up. 

 

He breathes out a sigh and digs his phone out of his pocket, dialing Archer’s number. After a few seconds, Archer picks up.

 

“Kimbley! You’re doing well I hope?”

 

“Actually, uh! Boss? You busy or anything?”

 

“I’m in the middle of cooking dinner, why?”

 

“Well -- I’m havin’ a bit of a situation here, and uh.” Kimbley sucks in his teeth, then immediately regrets it when he breathes in the stench. “--Okay, look, if I tell you, then you better not friggin’ laugh, cuz I  _ know _ you will.”

 

Archer sighs. “Just tell me, Kimbley.”

 

“I’m uh.” Kimbley runs his hand over his face, embarrassed. He says in a low voice. “I got stuck in a dumpster.”

 

“What? Are you -- are you serious? How did you --”

 

“Look, long story short, there was a pizza, I wasn’t careful -- and I fucking! Fell in. I realize the irony of the situation here, given how I’m --”

 

“Okay, okay -- I’m coming.” Begrudgingly, Archer reaches for his coat and car keys and heads for the door. “I’d say, ‘stay put’ but I don’t imagine you’ll have any trouble with that.”

 

“Thanks, boss. I love you, too.”

 

\---

It takes Archer a few minutes, but he finds the local pizza place and calls Kimbley.

 

“So… where am I looking now? You didn’t say.”

 

“Yeah, I’m right outside the Domino’s, you can’t miss me. I’m Dumpster Boy.”

 

With that, Archer walks around to the back alley, finding the aforementioned dumpster, and easily pries the doors open, finding an embarrassed and greasy-looking Kimbley sitting in the corner.

 

“I’m honestly impressed at the number of times you’ve gotten yourself in trouble lately, Kimbley.” Archer can’t help but smirk at his boyfriend’s misfortune. “First there was the roof,  _ then _ the basement, and  _ now _ , the bloody dumpster. I’m starting to think you’re doing this for attention.”

 

He offers Kimbley a hand, which he graciously takes.

“Listen, the first two times were -- but this time was an honest mistake, I swear! I just wanted pizza boss…”

  
“Was it worth it, Kimbley.  _ Was _ it.”


End file.
